Ripping off the Bandage

The title of this post is one of the titles I threw around for the blog. That's what this blog feels like. I've been saying (to myself, in my head) for ages that I was going to start this blog. I actually wrote an entry for it in my private blog. But, in the end, I felt like I needed a new, fresh blog for this subject. So, why is it like ripping off a bandage? Because starting this blog, knowing what I will say here, is something I didn't want to do. Starting this blog means I've hit that point where I can no longer pretend away what's going on. I can no longer put on a happy face in my head like I do with the rest of the world. And I've been putting it off for a week. Now it is time to put it out there.

I am trying to have a baby. I have been trying to have a baby for one year. At one year, it is time to admit that things aren't going as planned.

And there it is.

Now, this "drama" is not meant to say that I haven't faced this in my own mind. I have. It's not to say that there are not people who know what going on with me. There are. Many of them, in fact, but that's a story for another post. But, nobody, really, knows what is going on in my head--including me sometimes. I have all these thoughts and emotions and I don't really let them out to anybody--at least not in a healthy way. Thus, this blog where I can say those thing. Put them out there. Not keep them inside.

I'm not generally a dramatic person, so I promise that will not become a theme here--for anybody who might actually be reading. And, really, this blog is really more for me. If people read, great. If they don't, I don't care. I'm probably not ever going to be inspiring. And I'm definitely not going to be original.

I'm just sort of going to be me--on my journey to being a mom.