The Bright Side

So, the hubby discovered this blog today. It's not a secret blog. I don't have it set to private. I just sort of put it out there. If it gets read, great. If not, it's more just for me.

The hubby were certainly not upset by the blog, but he did say it depressed him. I guess the majority of the posts have come from a negative, bitter place. That's what happens when you start a blog about trying to get pregnant a year into the process. The fun, exciting, full of anticipation faze has passed. You stop feeling optimistic each cycle and just assume it's going to be a bust. You are just tried as hell of trying. Some days you almost feel like you once your finally do get pregnant, your reaction will be "thank God! Finally!" instead of joy and excitement.

But, occassionally, you still have those thoughts. It's still fun as hell to try. Let's face it, you get to have sex and that's always fun. You get to come off birth control, which for me meant the return of the libido--it also meant a crapload of not-so-fun hormones, but we're focusing on the positive!

It's also fun to anticipate finding out you are pregnant. You start looking at dates you might find out and what that would correspond with. Or what your EDD (estimated delivery date) would be and what that would correspond with. And, trust me, after a full year of trying, I've run through every date possible.

I've had EDD around my birthday, the hubby's birthday, my mom's birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas.

I've had myself finding out around my birthday, around Father's Day.

In September of this year, I actually started my period on my mom's birthday, but I also could have found out on her birthday--how cool would that have been?

This current cycle? I should know one way or the other just days before our anniversary. That would also put me being able to tell family around Christmas--if I could even wait that long.

Now, after a year of trying, you don't quite let yourself dwell on these things because hope is just barely there. But, right now, I'll admit it's there in a corner of my mind, especially with our anniversary coming up.

So, it's not all doom and gloom. There ARE fun things, even if I forget sometimes.