And clarity . . .

As "down" as I was in the previous post, I have not given up hope. I will never fully give up hope.

This past couple of cycles has shown me that I need a break. Of course, we will not TTA, but everything is going away with this next cycle--no thermometer, no green tea/POM/EPO, not even OPKs. I just don't want to think about it. None of those things actually stress me out, but I'm sick of getting pissed when I don't see a temp I want or analyzing them when they don't need to be, I'm sick of wondering if this thing or that is making the difference, and I'm tired of the damn smiley face.

For the record, I have not started CD1 yet. I am 14DPO, if you really go by Fertility Friend, but I'm not 100% convinced of my O date. I had one positive the day FF says I O'd and TWO the day after. I stopped temping after the supposed 5DPO (CD18--I've only had one instance of O'ing that late and that would have been 4 days after the last positive OPK) and saw no signs of a later O. I took a test in the evening of 13DPO just to shut my brain up. It was negative, so now I'm okay to wait patiently for my period.

What I will do this next cycle is spend time researching REs and making an appointment. I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to continue the trying process with my OB, even if I love her. Whereas there were things she was willing to do, I just feel like she wasn't doing everything she could have done. I think that contributed to how I was feeling. I've had bad experiences with doctors not always doing things I would like them to do, basically dismissing things I've said, or just plain not finding things wrong. So, I think I sort of felt like the same thing was happening here, whether it was or not. It's also time to really heed the advice of so many of the TTGP/3T ladies and just skip the OB. Too many "horror" stories of OBs not doing things right.

I'm also going to be taking a closer look at the budget to see if I can't squeeze accupunture in. We had a licensed accpuncture therapist come into my office last week for a presentation and she gave all of us who attended a free consultation and first session. I kind of saw it as a sign. I really liked her and my session was really great. She seems to think I have low progesterone. Obviously, I can't back that up with testing, but I'll be interested to see if she is right. She would like for me to do two sessions a week, but for $80 a pop, I just don't know if I can do it. But, I like the idea of altenative methods and I've heard some success stories (including from her--lots of baby pictures on her wall).

Anyway, assuming I can get an appointment quickly, we will start testing cycle after next, which will be cycle 19--I think; I now realize how so many 3T ladies no longer keep track. Once all results are in, we will make more decisions. I could never not test and always wonder. I've always told myself that I can live with not having kids if we know it is an impossibility or something that is out of reach financially.

Until then, hope prevails.

Some Realizations

I've had a lot on my mind lately and I haven't quite been able to pinpoint what I feel or why or what it means.

Then a conversation happened today that really just drove home all of my feelings.

"Are you sure you really want to have kids? Maybe this is God's way of telling you you aren't ready or that you shouldn't have kids. There's been all kinds of things I've wanted that I haven't gotten."

All of these things were said to my face. (Admittedly--because one of readers was in the room when these things were said--this was not verbatum what was said, but close.)

I've had a few back slap things said to me during this TTC journey. From a friend who told me I wanted it too much and that's why it wasn't happening to my MIL saying that all her children were "fertile Myrtle's" except The Hubby to my mother jokingly asking "what's wrong with you?"

But these today were the worst. Maybe because they hit home.

I've been struggling lately with how I feel going forward. As in, I don't know where I want to go.

Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I meant to be a mother? What is, exactly, God's plan and am I fighting it?

I'm not usually one to question. I have faith in God's plans and that He will lead me where I am meant to go, but lately I've wondered if I'm being selfish and not paying attention to signs that might be telling things I don't want to hear.

Am I meant to have just been the big sister who helped raise two incredible boys, now young men? Am I just meant to be the overly involved aunt? Am I just meant to be mom to the four-legged children? Are these things meant to be my maternal outlets?

Don't get me wrong, none of those things are "just" anything. I am incredibly proud to say I had any hand in the types of young men my baby brothers have become. And the most amazing moment of my life so far was watching my nephew come into this world and take his first breath. And my life would not be complete without my furbabies. All of those roles are fulfilling and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

But, is that it?

Lately, I feel as though I've been preparing myself for the very real prospect of not having children. Even The Hubby said, you know, it might not ever happen.

And, I don't know how I feel about that. I would never truly accept it. I know I would always feel like a part of me missing. That's a void that can't be filled.

But could I move on from it?

That's where I'm trying to get to.

And this is all still so cart before horse. If I wanted, I could be very far from making the conclusion that I'm not having children. But I feel like now is the time to really explore.

Moving into testing means moving into treatment, be it medications or IUI or IVF. And I don't know how I feel about that.

I believe very strongly in most (I will not say all because I'm sure there are some out there I don't know about or don't know enough about) forms of assisted conception. I believe they work and are healthy when everyone knows what they are doing and what they are in for. I believe they are not for everybody and that it is a personal decision.

What I don't know, now that I'm faced with the potential need for these things, is if they are right for me or what I want. I don't know if I can go to those "lengths" to get pregnant, especially when none of them are foolproof. I just don't know if I--or The Hubby--can handle it.

So, you see, the words that were said to me today were actually pretty horrible to hear and are probably some of the worst things a person struggling to conceive could ever hear.

But, you see, they were really just vocalized words of thoughts I've been having in my head.

Right now,  I don't know where I am going to go from here. I do not hold out hope for the current cycle, but that's just my mind, and my heart, saying you've been here before with the same results, why expect different? I'm seriously considering a break next cycle. Not TTA, but not charting, not even OPKs. Then, seeing how I feel after that.

I feel defeated. I feel removed. I feel done.

But first, A Blog Award

Two of my lovely friends have awarded me a blog award.

 

Thank you to Jenn and MillerTimeMama for the honor. I love you both tons for being the sweet, supportive gals you are!

Now that I have been given this award, there are some rules that I am to follow.

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

 

So, a few things about me:

1. I was never really a dog person until I met The Hubby. We always had dogs growing up, but I never thought I really wanted them for myself. Then I met The Hubby and fell in love with his doxie baby, Nicole. She became my little buddy and after she died, we got two more doxie babies, who are like my kids.

 

2. I have an unhealthy love all TexMex food. I could literally eat it every day and never complain.

 

3. I am avid sports fan. To the point of obsession at times. The Hubby often tries to tell me I'm wrong on a sports-related subject then has to take it back.

 

4. I am in love with Robert Redford and told The Hubby very early on in our relationship that I would leave him for Robert.

 

5. I have what most would call an unhealthy relationship with the TV. Some nights, I can up to 4 things recording on the DVR at one time. I live for new fall seasons and have to force myself to not start new shows.

 

 6. If I could get away with it, I would never wear shoes. I despise wearing shoes. I never wear them at home. I take them off at most friends' and families' houses. I can often be caught with no shoes on at my desk at work.

 

7. I have four brothers. When my was pregnant with the youngest, I thought for sure I was finally getting the sister I always wanted. Not so much. As it turns out, I was supposed to be a sister to all brothers and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

 And now for my awardees. I can't promise to make it to 15.

1. Bethany Jayne

2. Becky

3. Jenni

4. Mrs. B

5. MelissaMcMommy

6. Lovey

 

BFH?

How's Big Fat Hormonal sound?

I think I have just turned into one complete ball of hormones and I don't know what to do.

Remember the post earlier this week about my unreasonable emotions? They aren't going away. And today it occurred to me.

I feel like I do when I am PMS'ing or my period has actually showed.

Everybody and everything is annoying me--I actually bitched about something at work today that I don't normally bitch about and to someone I normally wouldn't bitch about it to. I'm weepy over stupid crap like people not wanting to come to my party or not RSVP'ing. I am craving bad food--like greasy Mexican and tonight I have an inexplicable desire for a Coke.

I think all these months have just been building up to make me one big, fat, raging ball of hormones.

I feel sorry for The Hubby if this continues, especially if it is a permanant thing.

I keep wondering if my hormones are all messed up since I'm not real sure of anything this cycle. Nothing about my period made sense. Nothing about ovulation made sense. So, I guess PMS decided to come early too? I'm going to go with that's a good thing. Then maybe my LP will be short so we can just move on.

But, seriously, say a prayer for The Hubby. He always jokes he should take a week-long vacation once a month. I don't want him to have to go for two weeks.

3DPO? I Don't Think So. (And a Funny.)

Fertility Friend seems to think I ovulated on Monday. While I agree my temps seem to indicate that, I'm just not buying it.

I got a negative OPK Monday morning (and got rather pissy about it) then a positive Monday afternoon followed by two positives on Tuesday. EWCM through Wednesday (I haven't yet checked today). So how in the hell would I have ovulated on Monday--CD13; CD14 is usually the earliest?

I don't think it's right.

And my temps have been very different this cycle. Way lower than usual. I know there is no value in comparing things like that from cycle to cycle but I'm fairly consistent. It could be the fact that I've ramped up my working out. About 5 or 6 months ago, I did the same thing with hard consistent workouts and found the same thing with my temps. so maybe.

At any rate, I'm already calling the cycle a bust. I just didn't have it in me this time. I'm feeling very crappy and out of sorts with the whole TTC process so I didn't put forth a great amount of thought and energy. I didn't even want to temp. If it wasn't for the fact that I am so good about waking up to an alarm it probably wouldn't have happened. I used OPKs, but we only managed sex on one day of the positives (that did just so happen to be the day FF thinks I O'd, but I'm not banking on the success of that) and one other time during what might have been the fertile window.

So, I'll go ahead and officially say I'm in the 2ww. I will continue temping the next fews days just to see if the CHs (crosshairs) move on the chart, but after that, I think the thermometer will go away again.

And the funny. Conversation in my house yesterday morning:

M: There will be sex happening in this house today.
TH: Maybe if your good.
M: Oh? What do you want?
TH: You have to pay my ass.
M (after thinking for a few minutes): Five dollars.
TH: What?! $7.50.
TH: $6.75?
M--raised eyebrows.
TH: $6.25?
M: Deal.

Cheap, huh? I even stopped and got cash on the way home. (Due to a medical issue, the deal did not go through, but I'll be keeping this in mind for next time.)

Yeah, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Unreasonably

Unreasonably cranky.

Unreasonably pissy.

Unreasonably weepy.

Unreasonably bitchy.

Unreasonably sad.

Unreasonably angry.

Unreasonably violent.

Unreasonably.

I have no reason to be any of these things. Yesterday, I got pissed off, cried, and threw a pillow over a TV. Seriously.

I think part of the issue is being mad at myself. My sweet friend MillerMama had some kind words on the subject and I'm trying to take them to heart, but it's hard. I'm mad at myself for not feeling the need to be more proactive in the testing department. I don't know why I feel so stuck on the subject, but I do.  I feel like I almost don't have the right to feel all of the above if I'm not going to do something about it.

I don't know what holds me back. I'll get there. Really. I will.

I also feel like I'm holding back too much. This blog was supposed to be for me to get out my feelings and emotions. I felt like I needed an outlet besides the message boards or my friends or The Hubby. If people read, great. If not, fine. I love having readers. I like feeling like I am putting a message out there besides just my own bitching and griping. Maybe I'm not, but I like to feel like I am.

But, I'm afraid some days that I'm a bit too depressing for my readers. And that holds me back sometimes when it comes to what I have to say.

So, here's the deal, readers: I'm not actually depressed. I know some of what I can say can make you feel that I'm depressed or that I'm making you depressed. But, it's really just a lot of emotions--most of which I listed up at the top of this post. Unfortunately, it is hard to find a lot of fun, funny, cute stories when it comes to TTC, so I have to put out there what I have--even if that means showing every emotion I have the moment I have it (quick--name that movie I sort of quoted!).

I actually feel better today--it's amazing what positive OPKs do for the outlook. And the roller coaster continues.

This Ain't No River in Egypt

de·ni·al

/dɪˈnaɪəl/[dih-nahy-uhl]

–noun

1.

an assertion that something said, believed, alleged, etc., is false: Despite his denials, we knew he had taken the purse. The politician issued a denial of his opponent's charges.

2.

refusal to believe a doctrine, theory, or the like.

3.

disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing.

4.

the refusal to satisfy a claim, request, desire, etc., or the refusal of a person making it.

5.

refusal to recognize or acknowledge; a disowning or disavowal: the traitor's denial of his country; Peter's denial of Christ.

6.

Law . refusal to acknowledge the validity of a claim, suit, or the like; a plea that denies allegations of fact in an adversary's plea: Although she sued for libel, he entered a general denial.

7.

sacrifice of one's own wants or needs; self-denial.

8.

Psychology . an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.

 

Yeah, I think Number 8 there about sums it up.

 

I've been sitting on another post for nearly a week now. It's about my future and where I feel our TTC path is going. But this sort of ties in.

 

I think I've said before that I feel like parts of me are in denial about what's happening. Like, it doesn't feel like it's been this long. Or it doesn't seem like it could really be real that we are having trouble TTC. And it's really amusing that I feel that way.

 

One of the reasons we decided to go ahead and start when we did was this deep-seeded feeling I had that I would have trouble. I suppose I was a bit predisposed to that given that I was so very well aware of my mother's troubles when trying to conceive my brother. And I think I also felt like it was something I wanted too much. That I couldn't possibly be lucky enough to get something I wanted so much easily. That's just not me.

 

But, in the back of mind, I think I thought the opposite would be true. I think I thought that just because I thought it wouldn't happen right away and because maybe, just maybe, we weren't 100% "there," that Murphy's Law had to come into effect.

 

Of course, this is me. My life doesn't work that way.

 

Denial.

 

So, I went through my year of quietly trying. I charted, so I knew I was ovulating. I hit a year ready to go. Let's see what the hell is going on. And I did that first test--the god-awful HSG. And that was clear. And I listened to my doctor and her nurse and people on the internet who said that sometimes that test can "clear out the cobwebs" and maybe I'd be pregnant. In the back of mind, I knew that wouldn't happen, but I didn't press for more.

 

Denial.

 

And here I am nearly 4 months after that test. Not pregnant. Not really pushing for the tests. Using excuses like time or I don't even know what.

 

I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. I don't want it to be real.

 

And I'm afraid.

 

I'm afraid there is something really wrong with me. I'm afraid something is wrong with The Hubby, which would devestate him. I'm afraid too much information and too many choices. I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. I'm afraid of not doing enough. I'm afraid of the money.

 

So, basically I suck at this. And I feel like a hypocrit for giving advice. And I feel like a pansy for not taking charge and making things happen.

 

I want to bury my head in the sand and keep plugging along as is even knowing that clearly will not get me pregnant.

 

Yep, just put me on that boat and send me down the river. I've never been to Egypt.

CD2 Blues

Sometimes CD2 is worse than CD1.

Often, my cramping is worse, so I'm just miserable, and that is when the full-blown hormonal nastiness comes to a head.

It didn't help today that I got some bad news about my father, we were dealing with in-law issues, and then all hell broke loose  a on the medical/insurance front--some TTC-related and some not.

Suffice it to say, I'm about ready for this day to be O-V-E-R. As a matter of fact, I am writing this on my laptop from my bed with my new jammies on and by best friend, Mr. Heating Pad on my tummy.

Yeah, it's that kind of a day.

Anyway, the medical issues.

As I mentioned on my CD1 post, I left a message for my doctor's nurse about next steps. I didn't hear exactly what I wanted to hear and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. My doctor does not want to do CD3 bloodwork--it is not part of her normal protocol at this stage in the game. (Here is a link I found describing the basics of blood testing for infertility because I don't have it in me to describe it all here myself.) The reason I'm not quite sure how I feel about this is that from my understanding from both TTGP/3T message boards and other research is that CD3 bloodwork is one of the first steps. Instead, my doctor wants to wait for The Hubby's SA results and do CD21 (or 7pdo) bloodwork (see link above for info on this also) before doing anything else.

I'm okay with doing the later bloodwork except that one of its main purposes is to confirm ovulation. Well, I chart. I've charted for the majority of my time TTC now and I know I ovulate. There has never even been one question about that. CD3 bloodwork also includes a check of thyroid levels. I really want this checked. I've had issues getting doctors to check this in the past (they kept trying to tell me I was too young) and I have valid concerns for getting it checked--both strong family history and just symptoms here and there. I probably don't have issues there, but I'd like to know.

So, now I'm at the point of deciding what I want to do. Do I call again tomorrow (CD3) and insist? Do I wait out this cycle while The Hubby has his SA and do the post-O bloodwork, then insist? Do I bite the bullet and find an RE?

I don't know yet.

We are still dealing the with The Hubby's insurance company on the SA, but I'm sure he'll be able to get that done next week. He's also been doing some research on his own regarding the different medications he takes. It's nice to have him 100% fully onboard, in the same place I am on this.

Two hours later, this post is done. I'm still in bed. My best friend Mr. Heating Pad crapped out on me, so The Hubby promptly drove up to the store to to get me a replacement. Love him.

Now to finish up Private Practice and on to bed. CD3 has to be better, right?

Play It Again, Sam

Feels like I've heard this song before.

Oh, wait I have.

Moving on, once again.

I'm pretty sure I'm just numb. I don't really feel it. Well, I sure as hell fee the cramps and the nausea and the back pain. But I'm a bit emotionless.

Left a message for the doctor's nurse about bloodwork. Should be Friday. The Hubby will be calling about the SA tomorrow. We've already got the form from the doctor.

And, once again, moving on and moving forward. Hello Cycle 17.

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Which Came First . . .

The BFN or the irritability?

I broke a rule. My rule, but a rule nonetheless.

Not temping has made me a bit crazy, I think. Seeing my temps fall helps me not feel the need to test. Not knowing made me anxious.

I tested this morning--14DPO. Not even an evap. line to pretend a positive.

And now I'm a bit pissy, but is that because of the result or is it PMS and just in general pissy-ness about the whole thing.

Really, I tested to calm my nerves. And it has. I'm disappointed because a BFN is never easy to see. But, there is still a slim chance and, basically, I can say as of right this second I'm not. So, now I can stop wondering and can just wait.

I'm trying to look on the bright side in that if I'm not, it means more time of good workouts at they gym. We did join a gym last week, but I've been trying to take it a little easy this week until I know for sure. I want to workout during pregnancy, but since I haven't been working out consistently for awhile, I need to make sure I don't overdo it--because, believe me, I have a tendency to overdo it in that area. So, if I'm not pregnant, I'm just trying to look it at is more time to lose some weight and get my endurance built back up.

I'm a little annoyed about testing "early" but given that it is 14DPO and 14 is my longest LP, I only feel like I'm breaking my rule a little. And a lot of women don't test positive until after they are actually late. And I'm still not feeling any real PMS symptoms, but I've been burned by that before.

So, really, now I will do nothing until Friday. Seriously.

I'll admit to having my hopes dashed a bit and my optimism has shrunk a bit, but it ain't over 'till "the bitch" shows her face.

And I'm stopping here before I put any negative energy out there!

Where Did That Come From?

Yeah, it's a two post kinda day.

And it might be more than that before the day is done.

Damn roller coaster.

Anyway, I was just in the restroom at the office (I prayed before I went in--you know those last few days of the 2ww when you are afraid to go pee for fear of what you might find) washing my hands when one of our resident prenant gals walked in behind me.

My first thought?

Look how cute and pregnant she looks.

I know. I shocked even myself. It's not that I have anything against this girl or her pregnancy. Actually, she's a super sweet girl and I'm happy for her (even if we do think the math adds up to her getting prenant on her honeymoon--sigh), but she was cute and pregnant last time I saw her probably three weeks ago. But when I saw her then, behind my smile was always the wistfulness.

Actually, I'm fairly certain that "aw, look how cute the pregnant girl is" thought hasn't entered my mind since my last pregnant friend had her baby.

I think it is that optimism thing again.

And I'm still trying to talk myself out of peeing on sticks. It's not going well. But, I don't have any in the house so it would take an extra stop at the store to get one.

Must concentrate on work . . .

Bundle of Nerves

This is a weird week. 13DPO today and I have no clue what's going on. I've almost considered breaking the thermometer back out so I can see what my temps are doing and not get too excited for no reason. And I have actually considered buying and even using an HPT.

I will do neither. I plan to stick to my resolve and wait it out. Friday will be the earliest day I would test. Technically, I could test on Thursday as that would be 15DPO, but given that my longest LP is 14 days, I could still start on Thursday, so I will wait until Friday--16DPO.

I'm a bundle of nerves.

I'm terrrified I'm not pregnant.

Of course, I never expect it anymore. I expect the disappointment. But, on top of not temping so I have no idea what my temps are doing, I don't have that usual feeling of being "out." No real cramps to speak of. No crazy hormonal binges (now, I'm always hormonal and emotional, but no real mood swings right now). My boobs hurt some. But, I just don't feel "out."

But, I've had that feeling before. How can I forget two cycles ago when I wrote a blog post about not feeling anything, so I had my hopes up a bit and then an hour later, it was over? Or on Cycle 12 when I went my longest LP to date and my temps even stayed up some, so I even tested?

I'm really happy about our timing this cycle. It's not any better than other cycles, but at least it was good. I'm really happy with where The Hubby and I are in terms of having a baby. It just feels like this should be it.

So, does that mean it won't be?

I've even checked out an EDD--September 16, I believe. Of course, that would make for a very busy birthday week as we have a niece with a birthday on the 15th, a nephew with a birthday on the 23rd, and my mom's birthday on the 21st. And that would put me gone from work during our very busiest time.

Granted, none of that matters in the slightest because I would pregnant and there would be a baby.

Remember how I said I lost my optimism? So, yeah, it's back. I don't know what it is about this cycle, but I am the most optimistic I've been in a year.

And that terrifies me.

I Wish

I am back at work today after a two week break at the end of the year--no, I'm not a teacher, just very lucky to have a job that let's me use my time in such a way that I can always take the last two weeks of the year off if I so choose.

So, back to work today and since I was not able to go grocery shopping this weekend, I had no food in the house and needed breakfast. Luckily, I have friends who usually need breakfast too. While fetching our breakfast from the cafe downstairs, my friend Julie compliments my Christmas card. Usually, I give the cards out at work, but I ordered them late this year, so they were not here in time for me to do that before many of us went on vacation. I had also mentioned to her that not everybody in the office was getting my picture card. I guess I neglected to mention that was because I didn't order enough to do that, so only my good friends would be getting the card and most would be mailed.

Julie said this morning that she was half hoping/expecting a sonogram picture.

I wish.

Funny, though, the comment didn't upset me in any way as I might have expected. I suppose because it was coming from such a good place. She knows what I've been going through and wants very much for me to be pregnant.

For now, I'm just wishing for better than a sonogram picture on next year's card--I'm wishing for baby pictures.

Really, Mom? Just really?

My mother is well aware of our efforts TTC.

My mother also knows what those efforts are like--it took her 5 years to have my little brother.

My mother also sometimes says the wrong thing thinking she's just being funny.

We are on a little girls' weekend at my aunt's house with another aunt. Last night she and one aunt were talking about my aunt's niece-in-law (Mom used to work with her; they are friends) who has been trying for a long time, has had an ectopic pregnancy, and gone through rounds of IVF.

Mom says to aunt "How's Alicia?"

Aunt says "Not pregnant."

Me and my bitterself, with drink in hand, interjects "Clearly neither am I."

Mom says, laughing, "Well what is wrong with you too?"

I still can't believe she said it. And she acted like she could not understand why I found the comment inappropriate and hurtful. When I said something, she said she was kidding and that she understood what I was going through.

But she also said her IF was undiagnosed, which I knew, and she got pregnant with one round of Clomid, so I think her view may be skewed.

After this, she proceeds to ask if The Hubby has been tested yet--like why has he not been and it must be him. Asked if he is wearing boxers.

The conversation moved on but I still can't believe she said it.

My aunt who also tried unsuccessfully for many years just looked at me and said "I know what you are going through and it sucks."

Yes, yes it does.

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Wonder if We Ate Enough Black-Eyed Peas

I'm fairly certain the black-eyed peas on New Year's Day is a Southern thing, so for my Yankee friends, eating black-eyed peas on New Year's Day is supposed to ensure luck in the coming year.

The Hubby and I have almost missed this tradition many times. One year, we weren't even thinking of it as being New Year's Day, just a Sunday, so we ended up running through Albertson's at 11:00 pm after seeing a movie and buying the cheapest can they had because it was all that was left.

Decided to take that chance this year and I bought them when I stopped at Aldi yesterday for wine. And The Hubby insisted we eat them when we got home this morning around 1:30. He insisted each eat an entire spoonful. Now, I don't particularly care for black-eyed peas in the first place, so 1:30am cold out of the can was less than appealing.

But, we ate them.

I won't lie. I only one thing on my mind in terms of luck for 2011.

Happy New Year to all my friends. I wish nothing but luck and happiness for this coming year for all of you!