As "down" as I was in the previous post, I have not given up hope. I will never fully give up hope.
This past couple of cycles has shown me that I need a break. Of course, we will not TTA, but everything is going away with this next cycle--no thermometer, no green tea/POM/EPO, not even OPKs. I just don't want to think about it. None of those things actually stress me out, but I'm sick of getting pissed when I don't see a temp I want or analyzing them when they don't need to be, I'm sick of wondering if this thing or that is making the difference, and I'm tired of the damn smiley face.
For the record, I have not started CD1 yet. I am 14DPO, if you really go by Fertility Friend, but I'm not 100% convinced of my O date. I had one positive the day FF says I O'd and TWO the day after. I stopped temping after the supposed 5DPO (CD18--I've only had one instance of O'ing that late and that would have been 4 days after the last positive OPK) and saw no signs of a later O. I took a test in the evening of 13DPO just to shut my brain up. It was negative, so now I'm okay to wait patiently for my period.
What I will do this next cycle is spend time researching REs and making an appointment. I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to continue the trying process with my OB, even if I love her. Whereas there were things she was willing to do, I just feel like she wasn't doing everything she could have done. I think that contributed to how I was feeling. I've had bad experiences with doctors not always doing things I would like them to do, basically dismissing things I've said, or just plain not finding things wrong. So, I think I sort of felt like the same thing was happening here, whether it was or not. It's also time to really heed the advice of so many of the TTGP/3T ladies and just skip the OB. Too many "horror" stories of OBs not doing things right.
I'm also going to be taking a closer look at the budget to see if I can't squeeze accupunture in. We had a licensed accpuncture therapist come into my office last week for a presentation and she gave all of us who attended a free consultation and first session. I kind of saw it as a sign. I really liked her and my session was really great. She seems to think I have low progesterone. Obviously, I can't back that up with testing, but I'll be interested to see if she is right. She would like for me to do two sessions a week, but for $80 a pop, I just don't know if I can do it. But, I like the idea of altenative methods and I've heard some success stories (including from her--lots of baby pictures on her wall).
Anyway, assuming I can get an appointment quickly, we will start testing cycle after next, which will be cycle 19--I think; I now realize how so many 3T ladies no longer keep track. Once all results are in, we will make more decisions. I could never not test and always wonder. I've always told myself that I can live with not having kids if we know it is an impossibility or something that is out of reach financially.
Until then, hope prevails.
This past couple of cycles has shown me that I need a break. Of course, we will not TTA, but everything is going away with this next cycle--no thermometer, no green tea/POM/EPO, not even OPKs. I just don't want to think about it. None of those things actually stress me out, but I'm sick of getting pissed when I don't see a temp I want or analyzing them when they don't need to be, I'm sick of wondering if this thing or that is making the difference, and I'm tired of the damn smiley face.
For the record, I have not started CD1 yet. I am 14DPO, if you really go by Fertility Friend, but I'm not 100% convinced of my O date. I had one positive the day FF says I O'd and TWO the day after. I stopped temping after the supposed 5DPO (CD18--I've only had one instance of O'ing that late and that would have been 4 days after the last positive OPK) and saw no signs of a later O. I took a test in the evening of 13DPO just to shut my brain up. It was negative, so now I'm okay to wait patiently for my period.
What I will do this next cycle is spend time researching REs and making an appointment. I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to continue the trying process with my OB, even if I love her. Whereas there were things she was willing to do, I just feel like she wasn't doing everything she could have done. I think that contributed to how I was feeling. I've had bad experiences with doctors not always doing things I would like them to do, basically dismissing things I've said, or just plain not finding things wrong. So, I think I sort of felt like the same thing was happening here, whether it was or not. It's also time to really heed the advice of so many of the TTGP/3T ladies and just skip the OB. Too many "horror" stories of OBs not doing things right.
I'm also going to be taking a closer look at the budget to see if I can't squeeze accupunture in. We had a licensed accpuncture therapist come into my office last week for a presentation and she gave all of us who attended a free consultation and first session. I kind of saw it as a sign. I really liked her and my session was really great. She seems to think I have low progesterone. Obviously, I can't back that up with testing, but I'll be interested to see if she is right. She would like for me to do two sessions a week, but for $80 a pop, I just don't know if I can do it. But, I like the idea of altenative methods and I've heard some success stories (including from her--lots of baby pictures on her wall).
Anyway, assuming I can get an appointment quickly, we will start testing cycle after next, which will be cycle 19--I think; I now realize how so many 3T ladies no longer keep track. Once all results are in, we will make more decisions. I could never not test and always wonder. I've always told myself that I can live with not having kids if we know it is an impossibility or something that is out of reach financially.
Until then, hope prevails.
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