CD28, 12DPO

Not sure where I'm at today emotionally. And this post is a whole lot of rambling and a whole lot of me just putting my thoughts to "page" so that they will maybe get out of my head.

I've pretty much felt detached from this cycle. I think it's just my mindset that I've been through it all before, so I can't even make myself get hopeful. And I've had a lot going on:  my dad's health and mental state are not in good places and he's in another state, our baby boy (Raspy, our 5-year-old doxie) has been having back issues again--he had surgery for a ruptured disc last year, work is insane, the hubby was not feeling so great about his birthday. So, there are distractions and maybe that's why I haven't been as anxious.

But, here I sit at CD28 and 12DPO. CD28 always pulls at me because I was so set that my cycles were 28 days long for years. And before birth control, I think they probably were that. But, maybe not. Since charting, I have come to realize that I probably wasn't always counting my days correctly and that I might have been off a day or two here and there without realizing. And I certainly learned that I don't always, and in fact rarely, ovulate on CD 14.

But, still, I always wonder about CD28. As a matter of fact, according to Fertility Friend, that is my average. But, I've alway had 29, 30, and 31 day cycles. So, can't REALLY put much stock into the day.

At 12DPO, I'm still a day away from my average and 2 days away from my longest LP. This is the hardest part of the 2ww if you are not an early tester. You start wondering if it would really be too early to test or right on.

And then there are symptoms. I usually have them. A lot of them, really. My boobs are usually killing me right about now. I've usually got some type of cramping going on. And I usually crave carbs. Those are my standards. Nada. I don't really track irritability and emotions because these days, those are a constant at any point in my cycle. Skin breakout is hit or miss, though I have noticed back acne, my head is breaking out really bad, and the back of my neck is breaking out.

Oh, and the temps. They've stayed up. The lowest was still .20 above coverline. But, I don't know how to read them. I have had 4 temps during this 2ww that technically should indicate a fever. But, I'm not sick. I don't feel feverish. If I wasn't temping, I would never guess my temp was that high.

I don't really feel the urge to test. I think I've just been let down so many times that I just don't believe it could actually happen.

But, I sure do hate when my cycles don't go as I expect.

Makes my mind go places.

But, I will wait.

I'm thinking Tuesday.

That will 15DPO. I've never gone that long.

So, yeah, thinking Tuesday will be "D-Day."