I had been so prepared for my cousin's baby shower.
I had decided to try my hand at making some baby blankets. I was going to go in there with no baggage. I was ready.
Until we found out about the shower four days before it was to take place, on CD4 of my cycle, two years into to TTC.
I was not prepared. I thought I'd have time to gear myself up for it, get my happy face ready.
I didn't have time to attempt a blanket, which was fine for the shower because my grandmother and mom wanted to go in on a gift for her. Oh, good, I can handle that.
Oh, wait, you need me to look at the registry, Mom, because I'm "good at that stuff." Shit.
And two days later, you need me to walk you through looking it up? Sure, why not?
By three days out, I was having major anxiety and threatening to have a drink. The shower was to be at 2pm. That's okay, right?
I don't remember the last time I so fiercely did not want to attend an event. It wasn't just that it was a baby shower. Okay, yeah, it was. But there were other things. I cannot stand that other side of my cousin's family, particularly, her other grandmother. I was having awful flashbacks to my cousin's ridiculous wedding shower.
I DID.NOT.WANT.TO.GO.
By Saturday, I was having anxiety over clothes. I've not been feeling good about myself, so there was that obstacle. And I'm just thinking if I have to go to this damn thing, can't I at least look really good? Then maybe I'll feel better about myself and if anybody questions me and my babymaking, I'll be able to handle it with grace.
Oh, did I mention that my cousin is on bedrest 5 hours away and couldn't make the shower? So, how does that work?
Fortunately for me, my mom and grandmother were not keen on attending this thing either. While we adore my cousin, we all dislike being around that other part of the family. So, we were going for strength in numbers.
Come Sunday, I had picked out an outfit and actually liked how I looked. Shocker.
I cleaned the entire house to let off some steam, went grocery shopping. Still trying to figure out how to manage some alcohol before this thing. Then, The Hubby asked for coffee. The Hubby has been on a very strict cleanse/diet and has not had coffee in months. I haven't had coffee on a regular basis in two years. But, when he mentioned making coffee, lighbulb! Irish cream!!
Made myself my yummy coffee that the hubby doesn't like, added my Irish cream, and headed out to get my mom. I'll give her credit here - she said she'd drive when I told her what was in my cup (I only had a short drive to her house; not driving while drinking). So, Irish cream = edge off attending shower.
At the shower, my poor cousin was being skyped in, but I still wondered what do you do at a baby shower when the mommy-to-be isn't in attendance? Apparently, you have a teen and a pre-teen open the gifts while grandma-to-be attempts to write down gifts. But, what happens when grandma-to-be is having hot flashes and not paying enough attention? That's right, the infertile, but always helpful cousin steps in to write.
Awesome.
Although, it was the lesser of two evils. When we first sat down, I was in prime postion to be asked to open the gifts and I was having a slight panic attack at the thought of that.
Writing wasn't much better. Can I tell you how much fun it was to explain baby items to the room full of women? Then to hear my mother say over and over that I was "used to" this whole baby shower thing. Yes, Mom, let's continue to point out the number of baby showers I've attended, none of which have been my own.
Oh, and let's not forget the little comment in the car, Mom. You know, about the annoying woman who "clearly doesn't have kids and never had." Um, you know you just described me, right?
Luckily we were in and out in about an hour, but I definitely had to fight back tears a couple of times.
I do really wish my cousin had been there. How awful to have to miss your own baby shower.
As she's already having some premature labor, she'll probably be having the baby within then next week or so (she's about 34 weeks right now). So, that will make a running total of 11 babies born to people I am in regular contact with while I've been trying and at least a dozen more babies/pregnancie via Facebook people from my past.
I promise I'm only a little bitter.
Really.
I had decided to try my hand at making some baby blankets. I was going to go in there with no baggage. I was ready.
Until we found out about the shower four days before it was to take place, on CD4 of my cycle, two years into to TTC.
I was not prepared. I thought I'd have time to gear myself up for it, get my happy face ready.
I didn't have time to attempt a blanket, which was fine for the shower because my grandmother and mom wanted to go in on a gift for her. Oh, good, I can handle that.
Oh, wait, you need me to look at the registry, Mom, because I'm "good at that stuff." Shit.
And two days later, you need me to walk you through looking it up? Sure, why not?
By three days out, I was having major anxiety and threatening to have a drink. The shower was to be at 2pm. That's okay, right?
I don't remember the last time I so fiercely did not want to attend an event. It wasn't just that it was a baby shower. Okay, yeah, it was. But there were other things. I cannot stand that other side of my cousin's family, particularly, her other grandmother. I was having awful flashbacks to my cousin's ridiculous wedding shower.
I DID.NOT.WANT.TO.GO.
By Saturday, I was having anxiety over clothes. I've not been feeling good about myself, so there was that obstacle. And I'm just thinking if I have to go to this damn thing, can't I at least look really good? Then maybe I'll feel better about myself and if anybody questions me and my babymaking, I'll be able to handle it with grace.
Oh, did I mention that my cousin is on bedrest 5 hours away and couldn't make the shower? So, how does that work?
Fortunately for me, my mom and grandmother were not keen on attending this thing either. While we adore my cousin, we all dislike being around that other part of the family. So, we were going for strength in numbers.
Come Sunday, I had picked out an outfit and actually liked how I looked. Shocker.
I cleaned the entire house to let off some steam, went grocery shopping. Still trying to figure out how to manage some alcohol before this thing. Then, The Hubby asked for coffee. The Hubby has been on a very strict cleanse/diet and has not had coffee in months. I haven't had coffee on a regular basis in two years. But, when he mentioned making coffee, lighbulb! Irish cream!!
Made myself my yummy coffee that the hubby doesn't like, added my Irish cream, and headed out to get my mom. I'll give her credit here - she said she'd drive when I told her what was in my cup (I only had a short drive to her house; not driving while drinking). So, Irish cream = edge off attending shower.
At the shower, my poor cousin was being skyped in, but I still wondered what do you do at a baby shower when the mommy-to-be isn't in attendance? Apparently, you have a teen and a pre-teen open the gifts while grandma-to-be attempts to write down gifts. But, what happens when grandma-to-be is having hot flashes and not paying enough attention? That's right, the infertile, but always helpful cousin steps in to write.
Awesome.
Although, it was the lesser of two evils. When we first sat down, I was in prime postion to be asked to open the gifts and I was having a slight panic attack at the thought of that.
Writing wasn't much better. Can I tell you how much fun it was to explain baby items to the room full of women? Then to hear my mother say over and over that I was "used to" this whole baby shower thing. Yes, Mom, let's continue to point out the number of baby showers I've attended, none of which have been my own.
Oh, and let's not forget the little comment in the car, Mom. You know, about the annoying woman who "clearly doesn't have kids and never had." Um, you know you just described me, right?
Luckily we were in and out in about an hour, but I definitely had to fight back tears a couple of times.
I do really wish my cousin had been there. How awful to have to miss your own baby shower.
As she's already having some premature labor, she'll probably be having the baby within then next week or so (she's about 34 weeks right now). So, that will make a running total of 11 babies born to people I am in regular contact with while I've been trying and at least a dozen more babies/pregnancie via Facebook people from my past.
I promise I'm only a little bitter.
Really.
No comments:
Post a Comment