This is the question I would love to ask of the people who say and think that I just need to relax. However you say it, please elaborate on how it is I am supposed to be.
At my RE's office yesterday, the nurse I saw told me I should "take a break, go on vacation, drink some margaritas, and I'll get preggers." Really? Is that your medical opinion to someone who has been trying over a year and a half and is seeing a fertility specialist? Wow. Why am I paying you, then?
Even my husband says "everybody" tells him I just need to relax. Really? So, at no point in the last 20+ months was I ever relaxed enough to get pregnant? You'd think the odds would be on my side. Clearly not.
My question is what exactly would people have me do? Am I supposed to forget that I want to get pregnant? Could someone give me some pointers in that? Because countless months of varying hobbies, a promotion at work, starting my own business, general life events have not been able to push that out of my mind. It's not on my mind all the time, but given that it is a life goal and it is a priority right now, not sure how to forget about it.
So, let's say I schedule this vacation. What if I schedule it and it's not when I'm ovulating? So, then I relax, have all the margaritas and sex I want but I'm not going to get pregnant. Or, should I schedule the vacation around ovulation? But then wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose? Hmm . . .
And I'm sure there are many out there who say, "oh, well, you shouldn't worry about all that ovulation stuff." Oh, okay, you're right, it's better to not know about my body. But, let's say, I don't chart and know exactly when. Well, guess what? I do happen to be one of the lucky ones who has very regular cycles, so I ALWAYS have a pretty guess at when it is/is going to/has happened. So, I'm always going to know. I've gotten to the point, though, where I don't worry about it. We've had crappy timing, we've had dead-on timing. We're not pregnant. So, I've relaxed a lot about it. Sometimes I still get upset about, but it's too exhausting to expect either of us to perform under those circumstances.
I'm just so sick of people thinking they know what this is like. Unless you have been there, you do not know how this feels.
And I am perfectly well aware of all the people who have stopped trying or gone on vacation thinking they were getting away from it all and gotten pregnant.
Yes, it happens.
It might happen to me.
But, so far, it hasn't. And I have a right to be upset about it. I have a right to get stressed out by it from time to time. I have a right to feel depressed about it.
Quite frankly, I have no doubt that if I ever do get pregnant, it will be on my own when I've lost hope (and, believe me, I'm not far from that). That's just sort of the thing that happens to me.
But, that doesn't mean I haven't battled IF. I think so many people do not realize the meaning of IF. There isn't always a documented reason. There isn't always an answer. Not everybody comes out on the other end of IF with a baby, so when you are in the middle of it, when you are battling it, it so often feels like a losing battle.
At my RE's office yesterday, the nurse I saw told me I should "take a break, go on vacation, drink some margaritas, and I'll get preggers." Really? Is that your medical opinion to someone who has been trying over a year and a half and is seeing a fertility specialist? Wow. Why am I paying you, then?
Even my husband says "everybody" tells him I just need to relax. Really? So, at no point in the last 20+ months was I ever relaxed enough to get pregnant? You'd think the odds would be on my side. Clearly not.
My question is what exactly would people have me do? Am I supposed to forget that I want to get pregnant? Could someone give me some pointers in that? Because countless months of varying hobbies, a promotion at work, starting my own business, general life events have not been able to push that out of my mind. It's not on my mind all the time, but given that it is a life goal and it is a priority right now, not sure how to forget about it.
So, let's say I schedule this vacation. What if I schedule it and it's not when I'm ovulating? So, then I relax, have all the margaritas and sex I want but I'm not going to get pregnant. Or, should I schedule the vacation around ovulation? But then wouldn't that sort of defeat the purpose? Hmm . . .
And I'm sure there are many out there who say, "oh, well, you shouldn't worry about all that ovulation stuff." Oh, okay, you're right, it's better to not know about my body. But, let's say, I don't chart and know exactly when. Well, guess what? I do happen to be one of the lucky ones who has very regular cycles, so I ALWAYS have a pretty guess at when it is/is going to/has happened. So, I'm always going to know. I've gotten to the point, though, where I don't worry about it. We've had crappy timing, we've had dead-on timing. We're not pregnant. So, I've relaxed a lot about it. Sometimes I still get upset about, but it's too exhausting to expect either of us to perform under those circumstances.
I'm just so sick of people thinking they know what this is like. Unless you have been there, you do not know how this feels.
And I am perfectly well aware of all the people who have stopped trying or gone on vacation thinking they were getting away from it all and gotten pregnant.
Yes, it happens.
It might happen to me.
But, so far, it hasn't. And I have a right to be upset about it. I have a right to get stressed out by it from time to time. I have a right to feel depressed about it.
Quite frankly, I have no doubt that if I ever do get pregnant, it will be on my own when I've lost hope (and, believe me, I'm not far from that). That's just sort of the thing that happens to me.
But, that doesn't mean I haven't battled IF. I think so many people do not realize the meaning of IF. There isn't always a documented reason. There isn't always an answer. Not everybody comes out on the other end of IF with a baby, so when you are in the middle of it, when you are battling it, it so often feels like a losing battle.
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