As a person who has always loved children and has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom, it's never seemed odd or out of place for me to be so enamored and involved with children.
I was quite a bit older than a lot of my parents' friends' kids and my brothers and my many of my cousins growing up, so I often "babysat" the younger kids while the adults visited. I loved it. It was my thing. And with my little brothers, I was just as much a part of their everyday as my parents were--I gave them baths, changed diapers, rocked/sang/watched "The Little Mermaid" to sleep, helped with homework, carted around to school and practices and games. I've always jumped at throwing a baby shower or buying baby gifts. I'm always the one at the shower who buys the pracitical stuff, not just the cute stuff. New baby in the vicinity? Hand him/her over. How many times have people told me that I'm a natural? I love to talk about kids.
I realized the other day, though, that I maybe get too involved where I shouldn't. That maybe it's not normal or I'm obsessive. I don't really even know how to describe it.
But, when a co-worker tells me how much her three and half month old baby weighs, my first thought shouldn't have been that that's almost as much as my friend's 18-month-old baby. Her mommy should have thought that (and she did), but not me.
It shouldn't make my day to see pictures of other people's babies or hear their stories. I shouldn't beg my husband to go see my nephew and nieces.
The vast majority of my top blog list should not be baby and kid related.
I shouldn't carry on conversations where I talk with any kind of knowledge or authority on babies or children in general. That's not normal and all it makes me seem is pathetic. I can imagine people thinking "who is she to talk about that?" Or worse, "boy, must she be desperate to have a baby."
And that part is true.
I think maybe I've just been living through everybody else's children. And I need to stop.
I need to find someplace else to put all of that. I need to stop thinking like a mommy. I'm not one and I may not be one.
But, it's so hard when that's always been something in the back of your mind. It's never occurred to me until recently that it might not be a possibility.
So, where do I even draw that line? Because it's not like I only talk babies/kids because I want them. With many people, it's because they are my friend or my family, so genuinely want to talk about their kids and know what's going on.
So, how do I care without caring too much?
I was quite a bit older than a lot of my parents' friends' kids and my brothers and my many of my cousins growing up, so I often "babysat" the younger kids while the adults visited. I loved it. It was my thing. And with my little brothers, I was just as much a part of their everyday as my parents were--I gave them baths, changed diapers, rocked/sang/watched "The Little Mermaid" to sleep, helped with homework, carted around to school and practices and games. I've always jumped at throwing a baby shower or buying baby gifts. I'm always the one at the shower who buys the pracitical stuff, not just the cute stuff. New baby in the vicinity? Hand him/her over. How many times have people told me that I'm a natural? I love to talk about kids.
I realized the other day, though, that I maybe get too involved where I shouldn't. That maybe it's not normal or I'm obsessive. I don't really even know how to describe it.
But, when a co-worker tells me how much her three and half month old baby weighs, my first thought shouldn't have been that that's almost as much as my friend's 18-month-old baby. Her mommy should have thought that (and she did), but not me.
It shouldn't make my day to see pictures of other people's babies or hear their stories. I shouldn't beg my husband to go see my nephew and nieces.
The vast majority of my top blog list should not be baby and kid related.
I shouldn't carry on conversations where I talk with any kind of knowledge or authority on babies or children in general. That's not normal and all it makes me seem is pathetic. I can imagine people thinking "who is she to talk about that?" Or worse, "boy, must she be desperate to have a baby."
And that part is true.
I think maybe I've just been living through everybody else's children. And I need to stop.
I need to find someplace else to put all of that. I need to stop thinking like a mommy. I'm not one and I may not be one.
But, it's so hard when that's always been something in the back of your mind. It's never occurred to me until recently that it might not be a possibility.
So, where do I even draw that line? Because it's not like I only talk babies/kids because I want them. With many people, it's because they are my friend or my family, so genuinely want to talk about their kids and know what's going on.
So, how do I care without caring too much?
1 comment:
This post really struck a cord with me. I can relate to a lot of it.
I really hope you get to be a Mommy very soon. Rooting for you!
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