Where to Start?

I've had a few posts rolling around in my head the past few days, but holiday craziness kept me from posting. So, here it all is.

First up, bye bye thermometer. I decided to quit temping this cycle after confirming O on Christmas Day. The Hubby and I talked about it Christmas night and agreed it was for the best. We were planning on just hanging out in our PJs on the couch and watching movies that night and I didn't want to worry about making sure I actually got in bed at the right time to get my temp. And since I'm off work until the 3rd and we have New Years Eve in there, I just don't want to have to worry and obssess. As The Hubby said, it's in God's hands now, we've done everything we could do. Plus, he was starting to get a little obssessive about temps--asking me every day if it was up or down. So, just winging it from here on out.

Second, The Hubby being so ready is killing me. He talks to me about it all the time, he drops hints to everybody that I could be, and then there was yesterday. The day after Christmas, we did Christmas with his family. My SIL has 3 kids who we are very close to. We spend the afternoon with them and went to dinner with two of them. He is completely smitten with our youngest niece who is almost 8 months old. And he took our nephew to the bathroom to clean him up after eating and said it was exhausting but fun. He's so ready, in ways he doesn't even know. I just don't know if either of us can handle another disappointment.

And, last. Today is my birthday.

I am 33.

Let me start by saying 33 is NOT old at all. And I have never been one to feel much of anything about my age. 25? Eh, no big deal. 30? Didn't bother me in the slightest. But, 33 is a little harder than I'd like, but I think that is all because of TTC.

I was 31 when I started trying, putting me at 32 for a birth. Then, I got far enough into 32 that I was 33 for birth. Now, I'm at 33 and still trying. I see my dreams for more than slowly flying out the window. While in theory I would have no problem having babies until the age of 40--my mom did, at 39 and 40--I just don't know if that's what I want. And The Hubby already has concerns about his age (5 years older than me), so I just feel like we only have a couple more years to really have kids.

I'm not sad about it or depressed, but it is definitely adding another element into the mix for me.

I don't know how I feel about this cycle. I think our timing was as good as it could have possibly been. Two days before 0 and the day of. I got positive OPKs three days in a row, including the day of O, which never happens. And I was using digitals, so no questioning the smiley face. I'm hoping this week will be busy enough that I won't think about and next week back to work will be busy enough that I won't obssess over any phantom symptoms. We still have the plan in place for more testing if this cycle is a bust, so I have that to look forward to.