I finally feel like the last non-pregnant female on the planet.
And I feel like such a hypocrit for the feelings I'm having.
I have long been a pusher of not letting other pregnancies get you down. Like any other IFer, of course hearing about other pregnancies makes me a little sad and wistful and, on a bad day, pissed. Those feelings are never directed at the mommy-to-be or her pregnancy or baby. Those feelings are always about me and my situation.
The lastest Facebook announcement finally go to me, though.
And I hate myself for the feelings I have.
I wished I'd never "friended" this person to begin with. We were friends in middle school and freshman year of high school, then we had a falling out. I have no idea what caused other than the fact that I found her to be completely annoying and didn't agree with some of her choices in life. She decided she was going to stop talking to me and I had better friends. We barely spoke more than a few words to each other over the next three years despite mutual friends and being apart of the same close-knit choir. We were "okay" by the time we graduated (no hard feelings), but we were never friends again. We have quite a few mutual friends on Facebook, so last year, I decided that 15 years later, it was okay to at least be Facebook friends again.
Oh, how I wish I hadn't opened that door.
This girl is a fun combination of attention whore and hypochondriac. Every post is so long that it has at least one comment because she ran out of room to say what she wanted to say in the post, so she had to comment to get the rest out. And the posts are usually long descriptions of her latest medical woe (pain, illness, etc.) and/or her latest trip to the doctor or ER (where they are convinced she just keeps coming in for Vicodin - I'm a little inclined to agree) or how she can't get any relief.
And if it's not the medical woes, it's bitching about her family or the Navy or the other Navy wives or her husband or, most recently, how the Navy has unfairly released her husband from duty early (that one is a legitimate complaint and I actually do feel really bad for them in that situation).
A few months back, she started really complaining about endometriosis. Now, my mother had endo and my aunt suffered horribly (it was the reason she could never get pregnant; when she finally had her hyserectomy, her doctor said it was like concrete in there), so I had all the sympathy in the world for the gal's plight - except that I couldn't understand why she felt the need to detail her cycle (bleeding, cramps, PMS) on such a public forum.
The first I knew she was TTC was when she bitched about how someone shouldn't tell her that she shouldn't complain about not getting pregnant when she already had two kids. No idea who or what she was talking about, but I commented. I told her that she had every right to be sad if was not happening and that secondary IF is no picnic, but that she had no idea what it was like to be suffering through IF and have no kids. Should I have done that? No. But, I felt the need.
Later, when she was putting out all this information about her cycles, I tried to offer some sympathy and help. All that got me was bitched out by some other friend of hers and no response from her.
I should have "unfriended" right then and there. Instead, I just skipped over her posts.
Before bed last night, I checked Facebook on phone one last time.
And there it is - a 5wk6day sonogram picture.
No other pregnancy has made me want to literally hit something.
Given the pain she had to endure to get there, I'm happy for her.
But, this stung. Even though her pregnancy has nothing to do with my reproduction, it just plain makes me feel like more of a failure. She has Endo and PCOS and can get pregnant on her own in less than a year? And I am seemingly the picture of fertile health and can't after more than two years?
And I'm sure part of how I'm feeling is because it is her. I probably should just unfriend at this point. I mean, who posts a sonogram picture on Facebook at 5 weeks? That was the last post I saw before bed. The first post I saw when I got on this morning? Her wondering if it was crazy to go to the store at midnight for a craving.
I've never unfriended someone on Facebook. I've not even hidden someone who was pregnant (except for one girl the day she gave birth because I didn't feel like reading her play-by-play from the delivery room).
My mantra has always been pregnancy is part of life. Someone else's pregnancy is not meant to piss me off or rub my face in it.
But, I don't think I can handle this one.
Not when I truly feel like the odd man out for the first time.
And I feel like such a hypocrit for the feelings I'm having.
I have long been a pusher of not letting other pregnancies get you down. Like any other IFer, of course hearing about other pregnancies makes me a little sad and wistful and, on a bad day, pissed. Those feelings are never directed at the mommy-to-be or her pregnancy or baby. Those feelings are always about me and my situation.
The lastest Facebook announcement finally go to me, though.
And I hate myself for the feelings I have.
I wished I'd never "friended" this person to begin with. We were friends in middle school and freshman year of high school, then we had a falling out. I have no idea what caused other than the fact that I found her to be completely annoying and didn't agree with some of her choices in life. She decided she was going to stop talking to me and I had better friends. We barely spoke more than a few words to each other over the next three years despite mutual friends and being apart of the same close-knit choir. We were "okay" by the time we graduated (no hard feelings), but we were never friends again. We have quite a few mutual friends on Facebook, so last year, I decided that 15 years later, it was okay to at least be Facebook friends again.
Oh, how I wish I hadn't opened that door.
This girl is a fun combination of attention whore and hypochondriac. Every post is so long that it has at least one comment because she ran out of room to say what she wanted to say in the post, so she had to comment to get the rest out. And the posts are usually long descriptions of her latest medical woe (pain, illness, etc.) and/or her latest trip to the doctor or ER (where they are convinced she just keeps coming in for Vicodin - I'm a little inclined to agree) or how she can't get any relief.
And if it's not the medical woes, it's bitching about her family or the Navy or the other Navy wives or her husband or, most recently, how the Navy has unfairly released her husband from duty early (that one is a legitimate complaint and I actually do feel really bad for them in that situation).
A few months back, she started really complaining about endometriosis. Now, my mother had endo and my aunt suffered horribly (it was the reason she could never get pregnant; when she finally had her hyserectomy, her doctor said it was like concrete in there), so I had all the sympathy in the world for the gal's plight - except that I couldn't understand why she felt the need to detail her cycle (bleeding, cramps, PMS) on such a public forum.
The first I knew she was TTC was when she bitched about how someone shouldn't tell her that she shouldn't complain about not getting pregnant when she already had two kids. No idea who or what she was talking about, but I commented. I told her that she had every right to be sad if was not happening and that secondary IF is no picnic, but that she had no idea what it was like to be suffering through IF and have no kids. Should I have done that? No. But, I felt the need.
Later, when she was putting out all this information about her cycles, I tried to offer some sympathy and help. All that got me was bitched out by some other friend of hers and no response from her.
I should have "unfriended" right then and there. Instead, I just skipped over her posts.
Before bed last night, I checked Facebook on phone one last time.
And there it is - a 5wk6day sonogram picture.
No other pregnancy has made me want to literally hit something.
Given the pain she had to endure to get there, I'm happy for her.
But, this stung. Even though her pregnancy has nothing to do with my reproduction, it just plain makes me feel like more of a failure. She has Endo and PCOS and can get pregnant on her own in less than a year? And I am seemingly the picture of fertile health and can't after more than two years?
And I'm sure part of how I'm feeling is because it is her. I probably should just unfriend at this point. I mean, who posts a sonogram picture on Facebook at 5 weeks? That was the last post I saw before bed. The first post I saw when I got on this morning? Her wondering if it was crazy to go to the store at midnight for a craving.
I've never unfriended someone on Facebook. I've not even hidden someone who was pregnant (except for one girl the day she gave birth because I didn't feel like reading her play-by-play from the delivery room).
My mantra has always been pregnancy is part of life. Someone else's pregnancy is not meant to piss me off or rub my face in it.
But, I don't think I can handle this one.
Not when I truly feel like the odd man out for the first time.
1 comment:
Definitely unfriend her. Or at least block her posts. You don't have to justify it - if it's making you feel crappy, it's not worth it.
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