Can we say behind on blogging? My apologies. I do not have access to the Blogger dashboard from my work computer at this time since they migrated to this new format (which is going to take a little getting used to). And, while I probably shouldn't do a lot of blogging at work, it was just easier than at home sometimes. So, now I am just going to make a point to carve out some time to get blogging done at home.
Before I move on to me, I want to give a very special shout out to my sweet friend, Jenn. Jenn and I "met" on the TTGP message board about two years ago and have shared a lot of this journey together - virtually. And on March 15, she found that she is also expecting after her own very long struggle. Jenn, I know I've already told you about a dozen times, but I could not be more happy for you. I am so happy to go on this part of the ride with you too. Love you a ton, lady!
Okay, so 11 weeks!! I can hardly believe it. And, yet, so much has happened between 8 weeks when we went to the doctor and saw The Peanut and his/her beautiful heartbeat.
After the appointment and seeing the heartbeat, I decided I was good to let a few more people in on the little secret. Let a few more family members in on the secret. A couple of more friends. Still avoiding a Facebook announcement.
But, work was where the news really went viral. And it was a lot fun. That was the one place where I got to have the fun of sharing the news all by myself. I was also still wary to do so because I still was so scared. But, it finally occurred to me that in some ways, I was almost in denial about the baby. Not pregnancy, necessarily - the morning sickness was taking care of that. But, I was so scared of getting hurt by something going on, that I think I was trying to protect myself and part of that was not telling people. So, I went in and told the last of my close friends who I had yet to tell. That was fun, but I told her to keep it quiet. I knew I was going to tell my boss and my team that day, but I still didn't know how much further I wanted the news to go. My boss helped out with that by being so excited in her reaction that the person in the next office heard her and some of my team figured it out. Eventually, enough people knew that my two friends who have known since day one were ready to be able to jump up and down in public. And jump they did. We ended up creating quite a ruckus and, needless to say, the news was no longer a secret.
As reserved as I was, seeing how happy people were for me - whether they knew how long and hard we'd been trying or not - was so amazing. And let me let my guard down.
On Week 9, I took the advice I read somewhere and bought a journal. I did not want to use the same journal that I'd started at the beginning of the year. I wanted a fresh start. I have only written in it a few times, but it has really helped break down the rest of my walls. It's such a different outlet than blogging.
Week 10 was the real breakthrough. I was finally thinking about baby, not just pregnancy. Even with morning sickness still in full, awful swing, I was finally looking past it. I allowed myself to look, just briefly, at baby items online. To start thinking.
The baby is finally real. Pregnancy was always real, but now the baby is.
I'm not going to do a full rundown on the pregnancy checklist. Here's some highlights:
- Working out is not going so well. My doctor really wasn't big on me continuing BodyPump, but I convinced The Hubby to let me keep it up with lower weights. Well, one class later, I had cramping later in the evening (which I know was totally unrelated, but he didn't), so he asked that I please stop. Other than that, I've just been so tired and feeling so crappy that I've just not manged more than two days a week the last few weeks. I've got in mind a new routine, so I'm hopeful that 2nd trimester will have me feeling a bit more like getting my butt out of bed at 4:15 to hit the gym.
- I'm okay with the weight gain. Realistically, since I'm not sure of my exact pre-pregnancy weight (I fluctuate a lot, so I don't think the last number I remember was the last number I was), I really only think I've gained about 5 pounds at this point.
- Eating. Oh, eating. I miss food. Or, rather, I miss enjoying food. Mealtime gives me so much anxiety. Over the last couple of weeks, I've developed a rather strong meat aversion. It looks good, but then I can't eat it. Some days are better than others, but that's been hard. But, really, I just don't want much food of any kind. Mac 'n' cheese is still good. Pizza works. Baked potatoes. Milkshakes (milk in general, really).
- Body changes have been getting fun. Bloating, of course. But, last week, I was sort of feeling around on my lower abdomen and felt some hardness. It occurred to me that I was feeling my uterus starting to protrude a little, which was kind of cool. And, sure enough, my pregnancy book (Your Pregnancy Week by Week for anybody who might need a rec. - Jenn!) said I should be starting to feel that this week. It's so crazy, but I can't wait for that - mostly so that there is something there for people to look at other than my fat!
- And, of course, The Peanut has gone through more changes than I could even list! I look at the 8 week sonogram and can't help but think he/she doesn't even look like that anymore. In a tiny way, I would almost be okay not hearing the heartbeat at my next appointment because the doctor said we'd just do another sonogram to see baby if we didn't. But, I really do want to hear the heartbeat!
- My next appointment is one week from tomorrow, 5/10. I'll be about 12 weeks, 4 days. I'm so excited for that appointment While I have finally let go and let myself know this baby is real and IS coming, it will still be a relief to get to that appointment, go get to 12 weeks and know everything is going fine.
That's all I got for now. I promise to make myself blog from home.
Oh, and I will allow bump pictures starting next week at 12 weeks. Sorry, I just couldn't stand taking and posting pictures of just my fat before. I know it'll still pretty much be bloat, but 12 weeks seems like a good place to start!
