Frustrations

I'm frustrated right now and rather than put it out there on the TTGP message board where it might "start something," I'm just going to vent here.

Every now and again, someone on the board comes along asking about when to see a doctor for testing see if they have something wrong that is preventing them from becoming pregnant. Sometimes the concern is age--over 30 but still under 35. Other times, it is concern that they are not pregnant after a certain number of months, always less than a year.

Among the valuable bits of information that I have learned in my 14-month journey are that it can take a healthy couple with no known fertility issues up to one to become pregnant and that there is only a 20%--yep, that's right 20-freakin'-%!!!--chance of getting pregnant each cycle. How do you like those statistics? Makes you wonder how anybody ever gets pregnant, let alone all the unplanned pregnancies--seriously, every woman who ever discovers an unplanned pregnancy should immediately go out and buy a lottery ticket because that is some luck!

Because of the above stated statistics, the basic rule of thumb is for a couple to try for one year, however they choose (charting, OPKs, winging it) before consulting a doctor for testing because at this point the couple has reached infertility because they have not gotten pregnant within the "normal" time frame.

Another arm of this is that insurance companies, based on those medical facts, usually will not approve fertility testing before the year because prior to that, it is deemed medically unnecessary.

All of these things were in my mind as I struggled through that first year of trying. It sucked. Every month. I wondered. Every month. But, I kept telling myself not to invite trouble.

One of the lovely ladies on the board once coined the phrase "Impatience is not a fertility issue." (Or something to that effect.) Did I want to know if something as wrong with us (well, I still want to know, as thus far, we've found nothing)? Sure. But, did I want there to be a reason why we weren't pregnant yet? Hell no.

I still hope there is nothing wrong, which is why I'm still dragging my feet and not rushing through testing. And trust me, I'm just as impatient as the next person.

But, I feel like the earlier we try to do testing and concern ourselves with the science (beyond charting because that is science I am definitley behind) of making babies, the earlier we lose the magic of it.

I still want the magic. I still want to feel that excitement when I see two lines or the word "pregnant" without "not" in front of it. I worry now that when it does happen, my reaction might be "well, it's about damn time." I know it won't be, but I still think that.

Just like any other woman who has been trying for any length of time, I hate the hearing "oh, relax and it'll happen" often followed by "you're trying to hard" or "you want it too much."

But, there is actually a little something to be said for that. The first six months of trying should be fun. The disappoinment when your period comes or you see another negative test is real and devastating. But, during those first six months, you should also still be excited to be going through the process--talking with friend who are pregnant and waiting to be where they are in a few months, smiling at cute babies all around, and thinking about what "special occasion" will be coinciding with your possible positive test and/or your phantom due date. Don't take all the fun out of it so soon.

After 6 months, sure, start to wonder. But, keep your head on straight. I cannot tell you how many 10, 11, and 12 month pregnancies I've seen.

I've waited my year. I've lost some of my magic. But, I still have all my hope and hopefully both a baby and answers sometime soon.