Anatomy of a BFP

First things first, I have to thank the lovely ladies who commented on the picture of my two beautiful lines and offered their congratulations and love. I have never met any of you, but I want to hug each and every one of you because you are important to me in ways you will never know.

How was this THE cycle? I honestly haven't got a clue.

I could type out a play-by-play, but I don't feel like it matters. I will say that some stressors were taken out of our life right at the start of this cycle and it really changed our whole outlook on life. For the first time ever, I had what I believe was an ovulation migraine (I get migraines, but never at this time of my cycle except when I was getting them regularly years ago). Oh, and there was the shower sex (some of you TTGP oldies will totally get this reference).

I wasn't charting. I was barely trying. We did have sex twice during fertile week, but I have no idea where our timing was since I wasn't charting and confirm when I O'd.

But, whatever was happening, it really didn't even occur to me it would happen this cycle. Really, why would it? After this long of trying on our own, I'd really resigned myself to needing treatment and not giving birth before the age of 35. It just wasn't in the cards. And I was okay. I was formulating a plan.

Oh, plans.

For two and half years, I've had my hopes dashed time after time to the point where hope - when it came to this subject - was nearly lost. Optimism was mostly a thing of the past.

That's why it took me until CD30 to buy a test. That I wouldn't take until the next day.

I was terrified. I was beyond terrified. I'd been wondering for three days. I'd had no normal PMS symptoms, but still spend all of CD29 convincing myself that I was cramping and having my normal stomach issues. I dreaded going to the bathroom, but every time I did, I fully expected to see the worst.

But, it kept not happening. And the longer it didn't happen, the more scared I got. I couldn't even tell The Hubby. I couldn't handle his disappointment when the inevidible happened.

By CD30 when still nothing, I couldn't deny the fact that it was time to test. I was shaking all day. I finally told The Hubby at an early dinner and he did a really good job of staying calm, thank God.

I must have looked like some scared teenager buying the tests. I stared at them for a long time, shaking as I picked it up and placed it into my basked, tears in my eyes. Anyone who was paying attention probably would have sworn I was praying to not be pregnant.

I nearly threw up when the damn box was scanned. How many times had I done this? How many times had I wasted my money? How many times had I been wrong?

I bought the three pack because they were cheaper. First Response. At CD30, when my two longest cycles had been 30 and 31 days, no sense in messing around with the Dollar Store cheapies.

I actually considered testing that night. If The Hubby had not napped on the bed while I worked my way through my DVR, I'd have probably done it. But, I chickened out. There was some cramping. I just knew I'd wasted my money again.

I've had a pattern lately of waking up a good 30 minutes before my already ridiculously early alarm. When I looked at the clock, I tried to formulate a plan. Get up at the second alarm instead of the third to have more time to test before going to the gym.

Yep, I was still thinking about the gym. I was telling myself, gym either way. But, truthfuly, I wasn't fully fathoming an actual positive result.

Second alarm went off. I did not get out of bed. Too scared. Nearly in tears from the fear. Convincing myself that we wouldn't need the extra time because it would be negative and I'd just want to hurry on to the gym to work out my frustrations.

Last alarm. No choice but to get up.

I long ago stopped peeing directly on the stick. I think I got burned by that once. Peed on the stick only to discover seconds later it was completely unnecessary. So, cup it was.

I watched the window and immediately saw the left line come in. I've seen enough to know that is NOT where the control line comes in.

But, I still waited.

It took a couple more seconds for the control line to come in.

I was staring at two lines.

All I could do was cry. And shake.

I opened the bathroom door and could only manage to get out "Baby! Baby!" to wake up The Hubby.

He threw back the covers from a dead sleep. I don't even know if I said anything but just turned the test around for him to see.

He stumbled into the bathroom, didn't even grab his glasses, to see the lines. And he just hugged me and we cried.

I had to laugh because he got his phone out first to take pictures. Then I took one.

We just started giggling. He asked if we should still go to the gym. Hell yeah! I felt fine. No reason not to go.

The moment still feels surreal. After so many tests with that one horrible line, I stopped being able to picture my own two lines.

I'm probably nuts, but I only took the one test. It was all I needed.

Now, for the standard TTGP rundown.

What I did differently: Nothing. No, I didn't chart, but that really didn't make a difference as far as the actual trying part. I did experience my first ever ovulation migraine (look it up, it's real). Don't know if something different was going on with my body, but there it is. I will say that I was a little lighter on my workouts during the 2ww, but not for purposes of trying. I had an injury as well as some work stress, so I was resting my leg and missed a couple of workouts/replaced a couple of workouts with swimming. I've done little to no exercise many times before, so I do not believe that has any bearing.

Symptoms: Lack of PMS symptoms were the biggest. No crazy carb/pasta cravings. That should have been my biggest clue. No extreme mood swings/overreacting outburts. Big clue #2. SOOOOORRRRREEEEE boobs. My girls tend to get pretty tender from a couple DPO to a couple days before CD1, but usually only the nipples. This has been mostly nipple area, but really just heaviness and swelling in the entire boob. I've had cramping and tummy issues similar, but not quite to PMS/period issues. I've actually noticed a pattern now for the last three nights of cramping/heartburn/gas pains around 8:00. Heartburn is another one. Nearly every food has given it to me.

I've got an appointment with my new OB for around 8 weeks. The person who answered the phone when I called was the first person I actually said "I'm pregnant" to.

I still can't believe it's real. It's so odd this early because nothing has changed. My body doesn't really feel or look different (minor symptoms aside). But, I know.

I go into my backyard to take the dogs out like I do every morning, only now I know I'm pregnant.
I get my weights readyfor BodyPump, and I know I'm pregnant.
I plug in my Zune in the car and sing at the top of my lungs. And I know I'm pregnant.

I am pregnant.