Apparently, I've been in radio silence. Of course, I wish that meant good news that I wasn't ready to share, even here, but it does not.
It so started out as a good thing. I was in an okay place and handling my emotions really well - not feeling the need to express them in cyber world.
But the past few weeks have been completely different and I've so wanted to write. Lots of thoughts in my head. But I don't know how to express them all.
Some of what is going on is left for another post because I still really, truly cannot deal with getting those words out there.
One thing I do have to get out there, though, is that the second anniversary is upon me. A year ago tomorrow I began Cycle 13. I don't know the exact date of Cycle 1 because I wasn't yet charting and "serious" about the whole TTC thing, but I know it was September.
Something about these milestones really get to me. I never, not even with my fears going into it, thought I would sit here two years later with no pregnancy or baby. Never.
Sadness. Lost. Bitter.
I can hardly describe how I feel anymore. It's become too difficult and I've found myself not liking the way I feel about certain situation, but I also find myself not apologizing for it either.
I owe myself and any readers I have a good update. And I'll get there, but for now, I just need to acknowlege this time for what it is.
It so started out as a good thing. I was in an okay place and handling my emotions really well - not feeling the need to express them in cyber world.
But the past few weeks have been completely different and I've so wanted to write. Lots of thoughts in my head. But I don't know how to express them all.
Some of what is going on is left for another post because I still really, truly cannot deal with getting those words out there.
One thing I do have to get out there, though, is that the second anniversary is upon me. A year ago tomorrow I began Cycle 13. I don't know the exact date of Cycle 1 because I wasn't yet charting and "serious" about the whole TTC thing, but I know it was September.
Something about these milestones really get to me. I never, not even with my fears going into it, thought I would sit here two years later with no pregnancy or baby. Never.
Sadness. Lost. Bitter.
I can hardly describe how I feel anymore. It's become too difficult and I've found myself not liking the way I feel about certain situation, but I also find myself not apologizing for it either.
I owe myself and any readers I have a good update. And I'll get there, but for now, I just need to acknowlege this time for what it is.
No comments:
Post a Comment