Unreasonably

Unreasonably cranky.

Unreasonably pissy.

Unreasonably weepy.

Unreasonably bitchy.

Unreasonably sad.

Unreasonably angry.

Unreasonably violent.

Unreasonably.

I have no reason to be any of these things. Yesterday, I got pissed off, cried, and threw a pillow over a TV. Seriously.

I think part of the issue is being mad at myself. My sweet friend MillerMama had some kind words on the subject and I'm trying to take them to heart, but it's hard. I'm mad at myself for not feeling the need to be more proactive in the testing department. I don't know why I feel so stuck on the subject, but I do.  I feel like I almost don't have the right to feel all of the above if I'm not going to do something about it.

I don't know what holds me back. I'll get there. Really. I will.

I also feel like I'm holding back too much. This blog was supposed to be for me to get out my feelings and emotions. I felt like I needed an outlet besides the message boards or my friends or The Hubby. If people read, great. If not, fine. I love having readers. I like feeling like I am putting a message out there besides just my own bitching and griping. Maybe I'm not, but I like to feel like I am.

But, I'm afraid some days that I'm a bit too depressing for my readers. And that holds me back sometimes when it comes to what I have to say.

So, here's the deal, readers: I'm not actually depressed. I know some of what I can say can make you feel that I'm depressed or that I'm making you depressed. But, it's really just a lot of emotions--most of which I listed up at the top of this post. Unfortunately, it is hard to find a lot of fun, funny, cute stories when it comes to TTC, so I have to put out there what I have--even if that means showing every emotion I have the moment I have it (quick--name that movie I sort of quoted!).

I actually feel better today--it's amazing what positive OPKs do for the outlook. And the roller coaster continues.