Optimism

op·ti·mism

/ˈɒptəˌmɪzəm/ [op-tuh-miz-uhm]

–noun

1.

a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

 

When did I lose my optimism? In the beginning, it was always there. I didn't think at 9DPO what I would differently the next cycle. I didn't start looking ahead to when I would ovulate the next cycle so I could start thinking about timing.

 

Now, I just assume I'm not pregnant.

 

Sure, there are days or hours or minutes where I have hope, but I always quickly push them away. And if the hubby says anything, I shoot him right down. And I feel bad about that. He accuses me of not being positive and putting out all the negativity to the whole thing.

 

He's probably right, but I just feel like I'd rather do that that so the disappointment isn't as high. But then I do worry that I'm almost willing it not to happen. Have I mentioned the roller coaster?

 

I will admit to feeling more optimistic this cycle than I have in a long time. I don't know if it's from the hubby being so "on board" right now--he's really taken a more active interest in this whole getting pregnant thing--or if it is the holiday season giving me hope. But, I'm okay with it.

 

I think even if I let myself get optimistic, I won't let myself get overly disappointed. I've been down that road too many times, so maybe I've finally found a way to balance the two.

 

Or maybe that's being too optimistic!