Cycle 16 and I'm Okay

I'd be lying if I said deep down I didn't want to crawl into bed and cry and wallow in self pity.

But, that wasn't an option today.

It wasn't an option when my temp. showed to be nose-diving. It wasn't an option when I had to write my self assessment for work or get dressed and attend my work group Christmas party. It wasn't an option when I went to the bathroom and saw what I was dreading, but had to sit at my desk for 10 minutes to complete some work.

I have 101 projects that need to be completed right now. It's not practical to let my world stop for the day. Hell, I didn't even drink wine.

In my head, I'm going my plans constantly. For this cycle, EPO back into the daily regimen, use the pre-seed, start OPKs earlier, sex every couple of days to every other day up until ovulation is confirmed, and keep the hubby involved. If the cycle is a bust, on to more testing after the first of the year. And I've already calculated with I should ovulate--the week of Christmas, maybe even Christmas Day itself. Maybe we'll make our own little present.

This is keeping me going.

I almost faltered earlier. I had to tell the hubby.

I was dreading it.

I've pretty much "known" for a few days. Three days in a row of falling temps was enough of a reality check to overshadow the "odd" cramping and "odd" CM. But, the hubby still isn't 100% convinced about this whole temping thing. When I told him this morning that I had a huge temp drop (didn't go so far as to mention yesterday's spotting), he got frustrated and said it didn't have to mean anything. In order to avoid an argument, I let it drop.

So, when I got home this afternoon, I thought I'd better go ahead and tell him instead of waiting for him to ask. He was pretty upset. I actually had to reassure him and tell him it was going to be okay. A complete reversal of roles for us in this situation.

I'm still devestated. Just as devestated as every other time. I had let myself have grand visions of telling my mom for Christmas--I even thought it would be funny to take  a picture of positive pee sticks and put them in August (my phantom EDD) on the calendar I'm making her for Christmas. Yep, I let my head go there.

But, for now, I'm pretty proud of myself for forging ahead. I really didn't need to get bogged down and lose my momentum.

So, I'm forging ahead and looking at the bright side--like being able to drink at Christmas parties and gatherings and New Year Eve (I should be in the 2ww at that point, but I don't think I'll it deter me as would still be early enough)!